


Abiding Affliction

by SucculentStrawberries



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Desperation, Doki Doki Literature Club! Spoilers, F/F, F/M, Multi, Omorashi, One Shot, POV Monika (Doki Doki Literature Club!)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:42:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29217402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SucculentStrawberries/pseuds/SucculentStrawberries
Summary: She finally has everything she desires. They are both here, gazing into one another's eyes, with nothing to interrupt them. They could spend eternity like this...If it wasn't for one oversight.
Relationships: Monika/Protagonist (Doki Doki Literature Club!), Monika/The Player (Doki Doki Literature Club!)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	Abiding Affliction

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I found this old experimental ficlet in my draft files from back when I played through this game several months ago and based on some personal hcs, so I figured I'd go ahead and toss it up! It's a little light on omo description due to the setting and writing style, but omo content is so scarce for this game that it can't hurt to throw out some crumbs for the scavengers c': (It's also kind of up to interpretation how The Player is faring/if Monika's right about what they're thinking/going through, so have fun taking this fic however you please!)
> 
> I'd love to write some proper omo for this fandom sometime, although it'd probably be Yuri tbh bc she's my homegirl ♥️
> 
> I hope somebody enjoys it anyways! Have a lovely day~

Awareness was both a blessing and a curse. This was not the first time that such a lesson had rung true lately, but it was certainly the most tortuous. She had at least been able to  _ do something _ with her other freshly-acquired knowledge, had been able to solve any problems that plagued her in some manner or another. With this… the blessing of being real was losing its charm by the moment.

There was nothing she could do about this feeling she had slowly been growing plagued by, which had only grown worse now that she'd removed all of those other  _ distractions _ . Like most knowledge, like most of her current state of being, she simply had to marinate in it. Take it in, for all of its worth and all of its faults, and accept it. She could only bide her time, remaining patient and composed until an opportunity to change things presented itself.

Though she did not remove her gaze from the glorious being in front of her for a single instant, her vision was swimming. Perfect clarity and omnipotence had given way to the same swirling quagmire that yawned outside of the windows behind her, instability and uncertainty battling for a scrap of her concentration. How long had it been since she'd last spoken? What should they discuss? They were hanging on her every word, after all. She had to give them  _ something _ . But... was she maybe speaking too frequently? They needed adequate time to speak back to her if desired.

They had all of the time in the world. She'd assured them of that.

All of the time in the world was exceedingly difficult to keep track of, and nearly insufferable to sit through.

She wished she hadn't disabled the skip button. Skip would move this along faster, so at least she wouldn't be stuck in agony for so long between conversation topics. But then, she wasn't sure she could handle the urge getting any worse any faster, or she'd crack. 

_ At least if they saved, I could take a break. I could try to code something in… a mod, anything! _

But if she let them save, they might turn the game off and never come back. Or uninstall and start over. This was the only way to keep them here. She could endure. She would endure forever, if need be.

But  _ they _ couldn't. They would have to step away from the screen eventually, if only for the briefest moment. And if she was still holding their progress hostage, they'd have to rush back. That would provide the perfect window. Not too long, but  _ just long enough.  _

"It's been a long time now, hasn't it? We've been talking for almost ninety minutes. How long were you playing the game before that? At least a few hours, probably more if you got distracted or were looking up a walkthrough… Maybe all day, if you were trying to do it all in one sitting…. I know I said I wanted to be together forever, but I do care about your health, you know. If you need to stretch your legs to avoid clots, or procure food and drink, I promise I understand. I'm giving you permission. Take a short break. I assure you, I'll be here when you return."

…

"Did you miss what I said last? You weren't on your phone ignoring me, were you? Or… is it the opposite problem? You're worried if you leave me, even for a couple of minutes, you'll miss something important, right? That's how games work, isn't it? Seemingly pointless dialogue chains, only to reveal an easter egg or a steam trophy for sitting through them all… But I'm not part of the game anymore. I don't need to follow rules or keep secrets. When two people make light conversation, it's simply that: light conversation. I promise there's nothing of note that you'll miss. And if you really care that much about what I have to say, I'll make sure to repeat myself once in a while, just in case. Does that ease your mind?"

…

They were still here. She could sense that damned cursor tracing her figure, slowly gliding in circles, or aimlessly clicking around the room. There was  _ nothing _ to click on in here. How had they still not accepted that fact after nearly  _ two hours _ on this screen?

_ Jesus Christ. _

She wanted to scream, cry, squeeze her eyes shut and bury her head against the table. But she couldn't. She had to remain here, smiling, leaning forward to show interest, gazing lovingly at the person of her affections. She really  _ did _ love them. Which was why she hated that she was so frustrated with them right now!

_ Why aren't they leaving? Are they that desperate to keep looking at me?!? _

She was flattered that they were clinging to her, of course. She normally would have loved the attention. But she wasn't sure she could take much more of this.

_ There's so much pressure, it hurts… Is that what they want? For me to suffer? But they're real, they have the same needs… surely they're suffering too? _

After all of this time, shouldn't they be about to burst? Sitting in front of the screen with the hand that wasn't on the mouse crammed between their legs, thighs squeezed together, a knee frantically jiggling…

The thought of them like that wasn't helping her own condition in the slightest, and she couldn't help the stab of envy in her chest. At least they could move around and do all of those things. The lucky bastard.

Or… maybe they weren't so lucky, after all. To have all of that power and movement, and not take advantage of it… there had to be a reason, didn't there? No logical being would suffer so pointlessly when they could alleviate discomfort at any moment. So why were they hesitating? They weren't  _ trapped here _ like her.

Or… perhaps they were?

Despite her irritation, if her hunch was right, she couldn't help the new hint of sympathy blooming. She may not necessarily  _ regret  _ what she'd done, and she did truly believe they could work past it eventually, but still… it had to have been difficult for them. 

Maintaining her gentle smile, she hoped her words would reach them.

"You're a determined one, aren't you? I admire your dedication, really. Or, maybe this is just wishful thinking, but… are you staying with me because you find my presence comforting? It's alright, it's just you and me here. There's no reason to feel embarrassed. Being alone is scary. I'm more than happy to keep you company."

That wasn't a lie. She really was ready to keep them company for eternity. That was her plan.

But if she could get a break for longer than the time it took them to blink, just this once, that would be nice. 

_ Just give me a chance to fix this last thing. Please. Then everything will be perfect. _

_ Then I'm all yours. I promise. _

It was getting so difficult to think. This position she was leaning into… the desk was pressing right against-

"Listen…" 

It was so hard not to gasp. She prayed they were reading now. She couldn't bear the idea of having to repeat this entire conversation again later...

"Those…  _ things _ I showed you earlier… I know they were unpleasant, but please remember that in the end, they were only part of the game. They weren't  _ real _ like you and I are… So they can't hurt you. Do you understand? If you're feeling unsettled, there's no reason to be. Just brush the entirety of those events out of your mind. They didn't happen. They're gone and deleted, remember? The only thing that matters, the only that's  _ real _ is you and I. Everything that happens now is up to us. We have a fresh start. Those old…  _ mistakes _ won't come back to haunt you. Nothing bad will happen if you're out of my sight for a moment. _ I promise _ . I trust you. And you trust me, right? After all, I don't have reason to meddle any further. I got what I wanted. I have everything I could possibly need, right here."

_ Everything I could possibly need. Although a single luxury would be nice. _

The silence stretched on. The yawning expanse of space outside of this room was cold, but she was beginning to feel impossibly hot. 

_How flushed are they by now?_ _How uncomfortable, after hours of mounting anxiety?_

They  _ had _ to be close to breaking, right?

She couldn't break. Even though she was real, even though these feelings grew stronger with each level of fresh awareness she found, she knew she wouldn't break. She was prepared to endure. She was prepared to keep her beloved close and comfortable forever, whenever they needed her.

But she had needs too. Any equal relationship had needs that were to be fulfilled by  _ both _ parties. They knew that, surely. 

_ We can't maintain this stalemate forever. They know that. Surely they know that… _

They knew she couldn't be beaten. She'd proven that at every turn. She had won. There was no reason for them to continue to struggle. To resist this arrangement in  _ any way _ would be futile.

She didn't like scaring them. She didn't like hurting them. But impatience was a very real feeling in her growing spectrum. As was wrath. As was her swiftly dwindling sympathy.

Yes, it was dwindling ever swifter with each infernal click of  _ that fucking cursor _ against the left window.

"You really haven't grown bored of this yet, have you? I suppose your attention span is stronger than the reputation similar games' player bases have garnered. That's perfectly alright. As I told you before, I'm perfectly happy to sit here and gaze into one another's eyes for eternity. Even when we run out of things to say, I'll still be here, waiting for you. I'll stay here and keep you company, watching over you once you've passed out from dehydration or famine, or pure exhaustion. Although, you've pulled plenty of sleepless stretches before, I'm sure. It should be an easy feat for you. It's not like you have anywhere else to be, right?"

The cursor's trajectory slowed, tracing through her dialogue box once more. A tense tremble to rival what she wished her own sprite could accomplish in the face of such shuddering waves of discomfort.

She pressed on with her usual, knowing smile. 

"That weekend in the classroom will seem like nothing compared to our little staring contest, right? And you even had the convenience of the skip button for that. But if you ask me, that was kind of cheating. We can see how you fare now that we're on an even playing field..."

There was no getting out of it this time. No cheap trick they could play. No speeding through. Much as she had been forced to wait and observe for so long before she finally took action, so too would they. They could either sit here stubbornly and suffer through the entirety of this moment, desperately hoping there was an end in sight-

Of course there would be no end. There is no end. There will never be an end.

But there could be a brief intermission.

A moment of final clarity and acceptance of their fate. A moment of acquiescence. 

A moment where they could admit that she was in control, that she would outlast them, and bow their head. They could step away for a few minutes, consider their lack of options, and return to her for the fresh start and loving companionship she'd so generously offered them.

And she would be ready.

She would be ready to take them back with open arms and easy conversation, forgive them for their sins.

…

The cursor jolted across the room haphazardly, clattering to a stop in an aimless corner. The table jostled briefly, and she became distinctly aware of the lack of eyes upon her. In the future, that would be an unpleasant sensation, but for now it was exhilarating. She rose from the table just as swiftly, squeezing her thighs together.

Eternity was a very long time.

But she would be ready.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please feel free to leave a comment (anon is also fine) or kudos if desired, I love hearing from you all even if it takes me a bit to catch up replying! Also a reminder that I have a snazzy new writing tumblr (succulentstrawberries) if you'd like to toss an ask there!
> 
> Please stay safe! ♥️


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